Petunia- 1. An unfortunate female name. 2. A genus of South American flower that is not suitable to give to your girlfriend on a first date, or any date. 3. One of the more common images taken by everyone with a point and shoot camera who thinks they are a photographer.
I hate petunias. I know, I know you're probably saying "how can you hate such a cute little innocent flower you stupid hobo" but they're gaudy...almost as gaudy as slippery gold pimp-pants...yes, I said pimp-pants.
But petunia is such a beautiful word...it's like...an entire ballad in 7 letters...and then it's wasted on the gold pimp-pants of the flower world.
I'm sure all the daisies and lilies wish all the petunias would be gathered up and put on an island...which would then be nuked by the North Korea of the flower world.
Bet you never knew a plant with fluffy petals could be so violent...and you thought you had issues. Do flowers cry when they get pressed in big dictionaries and bibles?
By the way...I have no idea what a petunia looks like. Minor details.
I like words that have a flow, flow being a very contrary term to my last "word".
Petunia is a word you could easily say over and over in your head until you lose track of time and miss your gynecologist appointment...been there done that.
Here, I'll help you start- Petunia Petunia Petunia Petunia Petunia Llama Petunia Petunia
We'll see who gets that one.
I'm trying to think of a story where petunias saved my life or provided some sort of life-altering revelation...but I can only think of sunflower and orchid stories...oh well.
If you're still saying petunia in your head and not paying attention to anything I'm writing...I don't care...it means you at least started to read this thing. So GO TELL THE WORLD HOW AWESOME IT IS. thank you.
HEY! (sorry for yelling)
Remember pogs? Ya, they were cool.
Gonna go buy some on ebay.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
clogged. an introduction
clogged- 1. the act of hitting with or being hit with any form of wooden (or synthetic wooden) form of footwear. 2. Attempting to flush 6 or more bags of cocaine or other recreational drug down a public toilet. 3. The state of one's brain if previous entry is ignored and said drugs are mass consumed.
What better way to start a blog about favorite words than with the word"clogged"? It's fun to say...and who doesn't like river-dancing and plungers? But the real reason I picked it is because when I typed it into google the first suggestion was "clogged milk duct".
Vocabulary is a complex thing, so why not have fun with it? We flap our overexcited lips at other people's under-excited ears all day, but we never stop to really think about a single, really really interesting word. So get over yourself and stop treating all those "cloggeds" out there just like you're treating the ozone and your small intestine (whatever that means).
So, to contribute to this already Pulitzer-quality, single-sided, nonsensical lecture, here's a story:
Three days ago I was in Brooklyn for a mini-vacation, and the place I was staying had more pillows than I have ever seen in my life. The end.
I bet you thought that story was gonna have something to do with the word "clogged". I also bet you wish you were as cool as Oprah...but we can't always get what we want.
But seriously, Oprah's ugly.
But seriously, seriously, say clogged at least 5 times out loud. You will smile, and you will feel better about wasting the past 1.5 minutes of your life...maybe...
I promise in the future my "words" (the clever term I am giving to each word I write about every day) will have more intelligent and non-nonsensical content along with HOT celebrity interviews and DOZENS, yes dozens, of dollars in free ipads and other fabulicious gifts. (I swear to god I have heard that word in actual use before).
Part of all that was somewhat truthful. Use your best judgment.
And back to the point, future posts will be much more purpose-laden. (if there wasn't a dash there and that was a real word, it would definitely be tomorrow's word...because it's awesome, like stretch armstrong)
You might be asking yourself "why am I reading this" or "Is there any rhyme or reason to these words that apparently mean so much to this guy" and the answer to both is no. And if you're wondering how "no" is an answer to the question "why am I reading this", it isn't...get over it or go read Dickens or something.
Speaking of "clogged", I think my cat just ate all 3 of my earplugs...dammit.
3 is a strange number of earplugs to have.
What better way to start a blog about favorite words than with the word"clogged"? It's fun to say...and who doesn't like river-dancing and plungers? But the real reason I picked it is because when I typed it into google the first suggestion was "clogged milk duct".
Vocabulary is a complex thing, so why not have fun with it? We flap our overexcited lips at other people's under-excited ears all day, but we never stop to really think about a single, really really interesting word. So get over yourself and stop treating all those "cloggeds" out there just like you're treating the ozone and your small intestine (whatever that means).
So, to contribute to this already Pulitzer-quality, single-sided, nonsensical lecture, here's a story:
Three days ago I was in Brooklyn for a mini-vacation, and the place I was staying had more pillows than I have ever seen in my life. The end.
I bet you thought that story was gonna have something to do with the word "clogged". I also bet you wish you were as cool as Oprah...but we can't always get what we want.
But seriously, Oprah's ugly.
But seriously, seriously, say clogged at least 5 times out loud. You will smile, and you will feel better about wasting the past 1.5 minutes of your life...maybe...
I promise in the future my "words" (the clever term I am giving to each word I write about every day) will have more intelligent and non-nonsensical content along with HOT celebrity interviews and DOZENS, yes dozens, of dollars in free ipads and other fabulicious gifts. (I swear to god I have heard that word in actual use before).
Part of all that was somewhat truthful. Use your best judgment.
And back to the point, future posts will be much more purpose-laden. (if there wasn't a dash there and that was a real word, it would definitely be tomorrow's word...because it's awesome, like stretch armstrong)
You might be asking yourself "why am I reading this" or "Is there any rhyme or reason to these words that apparently mean so much to this guy" and the answer to both is no. And if you're wondering how "no" is an answer to the question "why am I reading this", it isn't...get over it or go read Dickens or something.
Speaking of "clogged", I think my cat just ate all 3 of my earplugs...dammit.
3 is a strange number of earplugs to have.
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